But Florida police blotters deserve a blog all their own. I will try to contain myself and limit it to an occasional "Best of the Blotter" post.
Woman ate dog treats and left without paying for them
NAPLES--Deputies say a North Naples woman drank Red Bull and ate dog treats at Walmart and then left without paying for them.
Reports show that she was shopping in the school supply aisle of the store at about 7:15 p.m.
Employees watched her open several items in the aisle and place them inside a binder which she placed inside her purse. She then chose two Red Bull energy drinks, spilling one on the floor before consuming a second one.
Then employees say she grabbed a bag of rawhide dog treats off a shelf, opened the package, and began eating the rawhide chips. She placed the bag back on the shelf but kept a few in her purse.
When questioned by deputies, she said, "I was just putting together the binder for my granddaughter."
[Editor's note: Naples is a wildly well-to-do community, where residents no doubt lack sufficient dog treats for themselves.]
Baby pulls cocaine from woman's shirt during traffic stop
DAYTONA BEACH--Deputies say an 11-month-old boy pulled a baggie full of cocaine from inside the shirt of a woman during a traffic stop near Daytona Beach.
A K-9 unit arrived to check the car and deputies asked the occupants to step outside with the baby. No drugs were found inside the car, but as the deputy handed a driver's license to Candyce Harden, the baby reached inside her shirt and pulled out the baggie.
It's unclear who the baby belongs to.
[Editor's note: Given their bad luck, no one wants to claim the kid.]
Suspect nabbed during chase; snoring gave him away
PENSACOLA--Officials say a Florida man suspected of stealing a car took off on foot from a traffic stop and briefly eluded deputies while he grabbed a nap under a nearby trailer.
The Pensacola News Journal reports that deputies followed the sound of 37-year-old Kevin Lee Barbour's snoring--described as a "snorting wild boar"--to discover him Sunday night in Santa Rose County.
[Editor's note: Perps' falling asleep in mid-chase happens more often in Florida than in any other state of the Union.]
From Morticia, as usual funnier than the originals:
ReplyDeleteYears ago I was offered a job as a nurse in Naples, Florida!!! A woman I worked with told me that there was no way the package they offered me could be real so she called, went for an interview, and took them up on one of the jobs. We never saw her again. I'm sure she enjoyed her free condo. I hadn't pictured the residents there eating rawhide dog treats though, so maybe she really had to work for those inflated wages. Very cray-cray. I'm a little confused though - Is Walmart saying it's okay to eat dog treats and suck down Red Bull as long as you pay for them because this offends my sense of order. I mean we are talking about one of the richest places in the world. I'm shocked that they would even have a Walmart. This would be so much less offensive if she had been caught scarfing down those stinky slimy bone things at Neiman Marcus or Saks or Bloomingdales. Hopefully she was just drunk on Cutty Sark or high on LSD or prescription meds or something. Please promise me you won't fight the girls for their dog treats! Ick!
The cocaine baby is either a future police officer or a future drug dog. He seems quite familiar diving into the interior of a female's shirt too. If no one claims the kid the police really ought to - he's partially trained already.
My cousin lived in Pensacola so the snoring carjacker sounds fairly normal for what I observed when there. I would say at least one out of 4 people I met there had narcolepsy and other assorted problems I won't mention or I could end up partially gutted and snoring under a trailer.