Just because this is Florida, the drive to decorate for
Christmas isn’t melted by soaring temperatures.
There’s no question that one beloved local couple, who own a
large realty firm, take the cake for their decorating—an entire garden bathroom
decked out like an animatronic Macy’s window display, a flotilla of wreath
luminaries in the pool, even real donkeys in a real stable.
And there are former northerners who take the
tongue-in-cheek minimalist prize.
But there’s one guy, at 170 Salem Ave. in Port Charlotte,
whose displays might not be the biggest, the costliest, the most eye-popping or
circuit-breaking. Still, for sheer man hours; deadpan, grumpy humor; and pure
love of the holidays, Mark A. Romiza’s got my vote.
A former chef from Massachusetts, with a Boston accent as
broad as a bahn, he’s a Facebook friend whose decorating travails, captured in
video and photos, I’ve been following all season. Mostly to hear him say, “Santa Kloss.”
Even though he has a bum leg that makes every movement
painful, he says he “just loves decorating.” Another Facebook friend posted
“For you, Mark A. Romiza” with a cartoon that read, “If it doesn’t move
decorate it.”
He starts ramping up at Halloween, when all his mom’s
decorations come out of storage. In his own growly way, he writes, "Total of ZERO kids. Glad I don't do this for them. It's in honor of my mom, and myself. Just about all my holiday decorations were hers. She loved every holiday. I guess that's where I get it from. Now on to Thanksgiving."
But it’s Christmas where he really shines. As soon as the
Thanksgiving dishes are done and all of his bountiful Thanksgiving baked goods
are handed out to the neighbors, the Christmas project of the year begins.
This year it involved building and painting a plywood
chimney, from which he planned to drape a cloth Santa, falling off the roof.
Mark’s lucky that he didn’t, in the
process.
The chimney is done!
The chimney is done!
Every phase of getting the chimney up on the roof and Santa
visible by night proved difficult and side-splitting. In the end, after four
trips to the roof, he was calling Santa “the fat bastard” and cursing himself,
his girlfriend, and probably the cat.
All in the spirit of the holidays, of course.
As if that weren’t enough, there was the train set for the
inside of the house.
"Santa came out alright but still needs a different light. It's over. I'll upgrade next year. So now it's the damn train track--have two sets turning into one track, been at it for two hours, track has to be perfectly lined up. But since it's different sets, the tracks are not working with me. So instead of swearing and tossing it outsisde, I'll just sit and relax and go back to it tomorrow. Also putting a little tuna fish on the last car (it's the only food my cat eats). And when she gets close, sound bells, then start train and stop and go for some entertainment."
The long-suffering girlfriend makes an appearance toward the end of the next video--rolling their own cigarettes, no doubt to save up for next month's electric bill.
In the end, Mark concludes: "No matter what I do it turns into a full-blown project, but in the end it usually works out no matter what happens in between. I also don't want to fall off the roof. Did that years ago when I was painting the old roof and backed into the electric pipe that goes into the house. All's I felt was BAM! I dropped like a rock onto the roof and rolled off. I actually ran over myself once with a golf cart."
Clark Griswold in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation has nothing on Mark Romiza.
Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to.
Clark: When have I ever done that?
What's next?
Trayfuls of Christmas cookies for all the neighbors. Of course they had to include Santas.
